A Hand to Hold
by DarkHeart89
Summary: His hand reached out and found hers once more, each becoming accustomed to the perfect fit. "Not even a guilty man can be condemned forever, not for one deed, not if they're a good person." "How can a guilty man be a good man?" She asked, unsure of whether she'd wanted to hear his answer. "That's when you judge him for his heart, not for his mistakes." / Set S2 X-mas special.


A Hand to Hold

Summary: His hand reached out and found hers once more, each becoming accustomed to the perfect fit. "Not even a guilty man can be condemned forever, not for one deed, not if they're a good person."

"How can a guilty man be a good man?" She asked, unsure of whether she'd wanted to hear his answer.

"That's when you judge him for his heart, not for his mistakes."

Rating: T

Pairing: The Crawley's (as I call them) [Mary Crawley and Matthew Crawley underlining], mention of Mary and Richard, and brief mention of Lavinia.

AN: I've been watching this show for YEARS, but have never mustered up the courage to produce a story. I always found it too daunting! I'm very VERY American and this is not only British, but in a completely unknown time to me. So I had to do my homework, making notes here and there in the episode, completely and utterly studying the way Mary and Matthew operated individually, with others, and with each other.

And after a while of living in fear, I felt it appropriate to finally take a shot at it. I have loved Mary and Matthew from the beginning of time and I've damned Lavinia and Richard for getting in the way. Regardless, Lavinia's dead [THANK GOD] and Richard is out of the picture, so I'm content.

I've just preferred to live in blissful ignorance of Series 4-6. I can't bear any of her suitors: Gillingham, Talbot, and that other guy I can't stand. I can't watch her be happy with anyone else - it's selfish, but the truth.

Instead I've taken to writing missing scenes from Series 1-3, but predominantly Series 2. Series 2 was and IS my favorite. The back and forth, surprise here and there from Mary and Matthew just made it SO enticing. Favorite season to date!

This is set during the Christmas special, because last night as I was re-watching it, I noticed that Matthew DID attend Bates' trial after all, even if Carlisle had been sour about his offer to Mary. So I just HAD to weasel in some Matthew and Mary, uninterrupted by the chief MARTYR.

I actually really like this piece, so I hope you do too.

Enjoy!

[OoOoOoO]

Perhaps she'd taken on the slow paces as a substitution for the usual toying with her necklace, but that's all Mary could do to sate her anxieties. She was a bit early, unattended to in the entry way as she awaited the others. Today was the day Bates' trial would commence and provide them with the certainty of his sentence. It was rather black and white: innocent or guilty.

There was no doubt in her mind that Bates was innocent, but one could never be certain of the opinion's of the court room; sometimes the opposing side could bring a rather convincing case from no where and she wasn't particularly excited to hear of it.

She'd just begun her twentieth walk around, when Carson entered with a bundled up Mr. Crawley, immediately making her stop in her tracks. "Matthew." She greeted in surprise, a smile coming to rest on her lips. She hadn't expected to see him today, not after he'd put forward the offer of accompanying her and Richard had given her the uneasy side look that had prohibited her from accepting the offer at the time. They seldom received alone time together un-watched by Richard, but he'd left a few days ago, so they were spared the accusing glances for the meanwhile.

Truly, she'd never gotten around to asking him again while in such possessive company, so she was delighted that he'd shown up.

"What a surprise." She continued pleasantly, though keeping her tone reserved for the mood of the event they'd be going to.. and because it was platonic thing to do. She could hardly let on how comforting it would be to have his presence there.

He strolled over, dismissing Carson with a nod. He himself had been rather unsure of whether or not to come, but he'd figured to hell with Carlisle. This was an important case for the entire household and Carlisle's uneasiness about any time un-chaperoned by him could be pushed aside. He was certain Mary felt similarly; at least by the way she so outwardly defied him or spoke crassly. He was all the deserving.

"I was serious about my offer." He returned the smile gently, just holding her gaze. But they weren't allowed to linger for very long, before Mrs. Crawley came wandering in through the door and she realized that they would be chaperoned after all. She should have felt relief, for now it wouldn't entitle them to solo conversation, but it wasn't particularly exciting. His thinking may have been right, given their track record, but it didn't make her any fonder of the idea.

"Cousin Isobel." She greeted with a polite nod, her lips upturned only slightly. Matthew and Mary glanced to each other once, unspoken words communicating the need for her, even if Mary was sure she would have a viable excuse for attending. Isobel had been rather outspoken on the matter, as much as the rest when anyone had exhibited any doubt. "I was unaware that the both of you would be joining us all."

Her answer was expected, with a tone of obvious nature. "When Matthew told me of his afternoon plans, I had to come." She left out how foolish she'd been to forget the day of Bates' trial, but Matthew's insistence over her accompanying him had reminded her, even if she doubted she'd be of much use to anyone. Matthew was the legal minded one and she hardly had any information that would shed any light on the case; after putting two and two together, she'd figured out that she was being used as a buffer.

The day her son and Lady Mary ceased their game playing and quit torturing each other would be a great one, just one that was not today or probably one that was anywhere near.

"Well, I'm glad you did." She replied in appreciation, clasping her hands in front of her. "I'm just awaiting the others. I know Papa will be joining as soon as Murray is done having a word with him and the servants." They were all downstairs with the rest of the witnesses, being briefed by him as they spoke. It was very necessary to be prepared before they arrived.

"Is Cousin Cora attending?" Matthew asked, curious. She hadn't shown much of an active interest in the case, at least not quite as active as the one her husband had always put forward, but nevertheless had been a defender of Bates as the rest of them had.

Mary shook her head. "No, she decided to stay. It will just be us, Papa, and the servants." She was clueless as to what was keeping her mother away, even if she was to ignore any instinctive anxiety she felt over the upcoming fate of a Downton employee, but she'd kept her opinions to herself.

On one side, she was glad she had not and on the other, she had wished she'd attended for the same reason Matthew must have brought Isobel. Great minds were to think alike, she supposed.

[OoOoOoO]

As expected, Mary and Matthew had been left with little alone time; Isobel was being the perfect buffer Matthew had expected her to be. It wasn't until Robert and the rest of the servants had returned from their pre-trial briefing that they had finally had a moment alone together.

"How is Anna taking all of this?" Matthew asked, turning towards her as they absently observed the hustle and bustle from afar.

Mary grimaced and thought back to this morning, when Anna had stood doing her hair. They had, had a short conversation, mostly due to Anna's anxieties and worrying. Many times Mary had tried to reassure her that Bates would be found innocent, as it was the truth, but Anna had been able to see through the attempts, however appreciative of the gesture she had been.

"As anyone in her position would: worried of whether or not Bates will live, die, or be imprisoned for life." She spoke shortly, her countenance solid, but carrying uneasy eyes.

"There's a chance it will work out. Surely the defense hasn't been able to come up with too much?" Matthew questioned hopefully, unsure of how the prosecution could have any idea of what to pull from the servants. From what he had been told, the dealings of Mr. Bates and his wife had been rather quietly dealt with, at least until it had all come to the light.

"We will see. I can't be too sure when they have called upon O'Brien." Matthew silently concurred, knowing how the gossip seemed to circulate around her, never quite touching her but always seeming to originate from her. Her and Thomas were the troublemaking duo.

But Mary found herself unable to not ask the lingering question. "Why did you come?" There was nothing accusing of her tone, nothing cynical nor judgmental, she was just genuinely curious. Matthew wasn't the one of the two of them who acted out of defiance and after being so rudely silenced by Richard on the matter, she couldn't imagine why he would want to accompany her when he knew she wouldn't hear the end of it. Even if it didn't affect him, once the word got back to Carlisle, she'd be managing the brunt of his fury.

There was no questioning the warm concern in his blue eyes, only ever caring - even after all of this time. It stirred emotions in her that she had forced dormant on this day. "If you're to be doing your best to comfort Anna and ease her spirits, someone has to be there to do the same for you." He spoke softly, the affection momentarily unbridled.

His relentless support despite her fiancé's diligent efforts to cut the ties between them warmed her heart and brought her a thread of happiness on this dark day. Carlisle's future fury was long forgotten.

They were only able to share a gaze of acceptance before they were ushered into the courtroom:

The trial was to begin.

[OoOoOoO]

The areas were outlined along the wall, one for the support of Bates and one for the prosecution's aid. Instinctively, Matthew gravitated towards Mary and took his seat next to her, his inward intent on keeping his word about being the one to comfort her. He knew Mary and Anna were close, but closer than a typical lady's maid and lady would be. Mary had been dutiful throughout the entire process, supportive and reassuring and he knew that could take a heavy toll on her, especially if this didn't fall through in their favor.

He wanted to be the one next to her if that happened, Carlisle or no Carlisle.

He observed Mary doing her best to pep up Anna, raising her spirits in pursuits of making the conclusion less dark. She was hardly the ideal optimistic, but would have to try. While they all maintained the outward sense of confidence, he knew that they were all expecting the worse. The optimism was for Anna's sake and possibly for Robert's, who had also been a dutiful supporter, but the reality was that it wasn't looking too positively.

After thoroughly doing her best to reassure Anna, Mary turned her attention towards Matthew. Her question was a combination of genuinely not knowing and also wanting to make conversation. "So how do these things go on?" She was unaware of the process and hadn't been directly involved enough to have been told like her father, Anna, and the witnesses had.

He began outlining the sides and Mary didn't have the gall at the moment to stop him at any of the parts that she knew, while he pointed and explained the procedures. "They will each deliver an opening statement, pleading to both the Jury and the judge of each other's side, before the Prosecution will bring to the stand their witnesses. After that, there will be a cross-examination from the Defense and we will be let out before the Defense pleads their case and so on and so forth."

It all seemed very uniform to Mary, all long and drawn out, only lengthening the anticipation. In hindsight, she found it silly - at least if it was the Prosecution pleading their case against Bates. "I wish we could skip to the Defense and the verdict." Mary voiced unrealistically, sighing as she spared a glance at Anna, who was now roused into a conversation with Mrs. Crawley, no matter how far out her stare was as she stared at the empty Defensive desk. "I'm sure Anna has similar thoughts."

"Believe me, we all wish that. I'm as much on Bates' side as anyone else, but I know how this process works and no matter how tedious and gut-wrenching it is, it's the system." Matthew spoke like a true professional, adding a bit of rationale to her statement.

"However you manage to seek some sort of - enjoyment out of this process is beyond me. I'd be much too anxious to speak of my own side than listen to the untrue babbling's of the other side."

Matthew cracked an amused smile. "Mind you, I'm a solicitor that specializes in industrial law, wills and whatnot. I handle a lot of paperwork. I rarely see a judge. But you're right; this branch of law has never been of much interest to me simply for the tasking routines. That, and I would hate to be ruled against. "

"How very fortunate for you, even if wills and whatever else you do hardly sounds a great deal more interesting. A good argument is a good argument." She looked his way, sharing a secretive smile filled with wistful remembrance. It was pure nostalgia that had spurred the comment. Looking back to simpler times, before the trial, before her engagement to Richard Carlisle, before the death of Lavinia, before the war - it all seemed so much nicer than; admittedly more stuffy and less progressive, but nicer.

If she could go back and change some of it, she would. Often she thought of what it would be like that had she accepted his proposal all those years ago; she wondered what it would be like, but regardless it was all a distant dream now. She was engaged to Richard Carlisle and left good friends with Matthew Crawley.

Whomever she loved more was irrelevant now. Her fate was set, as Bates' soon would be. Perhaps she should be thankful that she's not behind bars. Nothing made anyone more gracious than someone who was facing much larger, life-changing issues.

[OoOoOoO]

The fresh air was a relief as they exited the courtroom; the Prosecution's turn having just concluded. In the courtroom, Mary had found herself quite unable to breathe after the testimonies of Mrs. Hughes and O'Brien had taken place. Only a third of the way through and Bates was already looking less and less innocent. There had been no change of her mind about his innocence, but it didn't look good.

It didn't sit well with her and if it didn't with simply herself, Mary could only imagine the turmoil that Anna must be undergoing. She wouldn't even condemn her for casting the blame on Mrs. Hughes and O'Brien. If she were in her position, she would do the very same.

Murray hurried his way over to the group and gathered them all, speaking quickly and summing up what has been seen. He was to take Robert with him now, because he was the Defense's key witness. An old war buddy, an employer, and highly respected Lord Grantham, he was a very reliable source. Hopefully he could shift the case in their favor a bit more, at least if the Prosecution didn't intend to play any more dirty cards.

Mary grasped her father's forearm and wished him luck with a determined stare, before retiring from the chattered group, giving herself some time to think before she re-immersed herself in the case.

She wouldn't have thought herself to be so worried about the verdict, having casted it off as feelings due to Anna and her father's care for him, but she truly was. Bates was a kind man - he kept Anna and her father happy. The last thing she wanted for him was to be in jail, or God forbid, hanged.

"Penny for your thoughts?" A voice appeared, naturally belonging to Matthew. He truly was insistent on watching over her today, not that she minded a little attention - especially from him. It wasn't often that they were allowed such treats.

"In your professional solicitor, opinion, how does this look? Industrial law or not, you know what the odds are here, you know what we're up against." She was tired of games and falsities; she wanted to know whether Bates was going to prison.

His blue eyes were transparent to her; she could see the conflict. Whether he could lie optimistically like everyone else or tell the truth to spare her worrying. It was obvious to anyone that she cared a bit more about it than her family, even the servants. Mary had always cared a bit more for the servants than based on the standards society put for how she should.

"Murray seems like a capable chap, I'm sure he will do his best to - " His statement halted, her face being the perfect indicator that she was tired of it. No more lies; no more hopelessly given hope, just the bitter honesty. And hope washed from his face and he looked to the floor grimly. "It doesn't look very good."

"Oh god." She clasped her hand to her mouth, unable to let the dread stop from washing over her. She knew what this would do to Anna; she just knew it. "We have to get Anna out of here after the trial, give her sometime to come to terms with it. If my husband was a hair away from execution, I would hardly want to be doing hair or listening to problems that are completely obsolete to me."

Their eyes locked as soon as she spoke husband, the word re-igniting the painful fire that would always exist between them. It was a look of longing, however selfish it was to think that way when a man was going to go to prison.

He reached his hand out and clasped her wrist gently in his hand. "Don't forget hope; there's still hope. With hope, not all's lost quite yet."

Once she had said to him that he made things so black and white; oh how the tables had turned. "That's just it, Matthew, what's the point? No amount of hope can erase what he said, what they witnessed. The odds aren't in his favor, you said it yourself."

"A few inconvenient pieces of information won't send him to jail, not if Murray is capable of dealing out a formidable defense."

Her smile was a pained one, her eyes casting forth the true, overwhelming reality of it all. "You're right, only one is capable of that. One bad decision, one lapse in judgment, one fatal flaw and you're damned forever. We all must live with the choices we make."

For once in his time of knowing her, Matthew found Mary to be quite transparent. Transparent enough for him to read the unhinged pain and regret in her brown eyes. They were no longer in a courthouse, awaiting news of the fate of a Downton valet. They were at the Garden party in 1914, when she'd been ready - oh she'd been ready to accept, realizing her mistake almost as immediately as she hadn't told Matthew right then and there that she loved him.

That she loved him so terribly, she found herself thinking more often of him than anyone else, even herself. She'd never told him how much it had meant to be told that she mattered to someone, that she meant a great deal to someone in the scheme of things. She'd never told him that she loved him, loved him for so long she'd been stubbornly blind to it. She'd never told him that Edith's fondness for him had truly annoyed her to no end and she'd never once told him that her flirting with Anthony Strallan had been just a game with Edith, a petty petty game that had nearly cost her his affections entirely.

And she'd never ever told him about Kemal Pamuk, not once, and she'd regret that for her entire life. There was no use in telling him now, at least they'd be friends this way - rather than to live a life of what if's and him despising her for the - slut she is.

He opened his mouth to say something, anything, but they were once again called in to head the defense. Now was not the time for this.

[OoOoOoO]

As soon as the words had left Robert's mouth, there was an immediate feeling of finality. If it weren't the words before from O'Brien or Mrs. Hughes, it would be those that damned Bates' future. She just knew it.

The courtroom was adjourned while the jury deliberated, leaving them all to their thoughts.

"This could either be a long deliberation or a short one." Matthew announced to her. "In our case, we better hope for former." He left out how the short one would almost certainly rule not in favor of Bates. He may not need to lie to her, but he didn't need to reveal all of his opinions. He just hoped to god he was wrong.

"Not a single word of what Papa said did a matter of good. If anything, it sealed his fate." Her eyes shut and she sighed in frustration.

"You have to hope, Mary." He highlighted for her once more. "Hope that what he said about Bates' reputation has some validity or significance."

"And if it doesn't, I am to expect the worse, as anyone would after what I've seen today. I just don't understand. They were so prepared, so confident that they could save Bates from this fate."

Matthew shook his head, bowing it in a similar show of frustration. "The Prosecuting representatives aren't there as place holders, they know what they're doing. They're very capable of making a mole of an honest, innocent man. He won't be the first wrongly accused and he certainly won't be the last."

"And if he's killed because of these men? Then what?" Her head shot up, a strained look in her eyes. "Then what is to happen? We can't resurrect him once they find out they're wrong."

His hand rose to take hers, grasping her gloved hand tightly in his. "Even when the entire court room is against this man, there is still a possibility that they saw through it all. No one is damned for one mistake, or even quite a few verbal ones." The end of his sentence was an effort to be light-hearted, but it wasn't the place or the time.

Mary began to shake her head now, her smile so heartbreakingly wry that it ached him. "And that's just where you're wrong, Matthew. One mistake is very capable of damning someone, if not to death, to a life full of unhappiness."

[OoOoOoO]

Her eyes were on her lap by the time he returned to her side, re-taking his seat. He'd had time to think, of both Bates' case and Mary's words. There was so much he wanted to question, so much he wanted to - free her of, but it was useless. She was carrying far too many burdens.

He just knew it was to do with Carlisle, he just knew. She was hiding something, holding something over her own head and he didn't know. He wished he knew, rather desperately. At least then she wouldn't have to carry it all alone.

Once the judge began to question the jury in their opinions, Matthew thought it appropriate to do what he had come to. His hand found hers and clutched tightly, providing her with some kind of platform to physically express her frustration. If he could not help her with her other burdens, he would aid her this way.

Mary cast a quick, furtive glance his way, her brief squeeze in return wordlessly expressing her gratitude. The grip was locked tightly between the two of them as time stood still, waiting on the jury member to say guilty or innocent.

 _"Guilty."_

The words echoed painfully and suddenly, Mary's grip tightened extensively; his own hand fought against hers, returning the grip and if not anything else, giving her a leg to stand on with the grief she must be feeling for Anna. The girl's outcry had been heartbreaking and they each had the utmost sympathy from him.

He leaned his head against the wall, unable to cope with the news himself.

 _"No! This is terribly, terribly wrong."_ Anna insisting, standing and pleading with the judge, her eyes full of pain and brimming tears.

Mary's hand released his and she rose from her seat, resting a hand on Anna's back and a hand on her arm, steadying her on descent back to the bench. The girl was breathless, lifeless, and heartbroken. Both Mrs. Crawley and Mary assisted her for steadiness.

Mary looked to Matthew and he mirrored her expression.

What were they to do now?

[OoOoOoO]

When they arrived at the pub of a nearby inn, Mary found to her pleasure, Matthew had come and seated himself next to her, clearly another valiant attempt to be her right hand man today. She'd never felt more appreciative, especially when he'd used his knowledge to insist that they could get Bates commuted, his sentence reduced to at least one of life rather than death.

And this time, he was certain, at least over this and she was ever the more grateful.

Everyone eventually dispersed themselves into groups, leaving Anna a moment to her own thoughts. Mary was watching her, waiting to be called on at any minute incase she needed her.

Matthew once again approached her, offering the second glass of water he had. "I'm afraid a stiff drink isn't exactly the remedy for today."

"Speak for yourself." She retorted, nevertheless accepting the glass and taking a grateful drink. "I'm just - shocked," She began after a swallow. "I knew it would happen this way, of course I knew, but I'm still shocked."

"Of course you are, we all are. Even if we all quietly knew it, we all had a bit of hope that it would swing our way. But all's not lost. We can still hope for a commute to life sentence at least and that'll give us time to work on the circumstantial nature of the evidence. There's a lot of room left for reasonable doubt, there usually is in cases like these." Mary nodded and grasped her glass tightly.

"A truly innocent man won't be behind bars forever."

Her beseeching gaze met his serious one. "And one that is guilty?" Her tone suggested something else, something that she had implied for the entire day.

His hand reached out and found hers once more, each becoming accustomed to the perfect fit. "Not even a guilty man can be condemned forever, not for one deed, not if they're a good person."

"How can a guilty man be a good man?" She asked, unsure of whether she'd wanted to hear his answer.

"That's when you judge him for his heart, not for his mistakes."

[OoOoOoO]

Each car ride was respectably silent, Mary having gone with Anna and Matthew having ridden with his mother. Their stop at the inn had eventually had to come to an end and had. Matthew had insisted on driving back with them all at least, to wish Anna his luck and to promise her he'd help to the best of his capabilities.

And once he had, he'd luckily been able to catch Mary alone, rare given she hadn't left Anna's side since shortly after the verdict.

"Mary!" He called, garnering her attention. He watched her mutter a few words to Anna, something caring he was sure, before walking over to him, in which they began a slow stroll along the gravel.

"I want to thank you," Mary began primarily, stealing his thunder. "For coming today and acting as a support for me. It was nice to have someone on our side, on _my_ side."

Matthew met her praise with an easy smile, stuffing his hands in his pockets. "Of course. I'm afraid not even Sir Richard can send me away, no matter how much he wants to." She opened her mouth to no doubt excuse or apologize for his behavior, but Matthew raised a hand. "It's not your fault nor is it mine. We know where we stand, he should too." He reminded her, a single brow shooting up quizzically when an unknown flare of something entered her brown eyes.

"He seems to have conjured up this silly idea that I'm going to steal you away like a thief in the night if I accompanied you today." He continued, watching yet another wry smile cross her face.

She folded her arms into her coat, nodding and gazing up at him with the most wishful stare; it unknowingly pierced Matthew's heart. "A silly idea, indeed. Well, I'm sure you best be getting back and I have to as well. Thank you again, Matthew. Your company made the day endurable."

"I'm glad, Mary, so very glad." And as if it was becoming a habit he grasped her hand tightly once in his, trying to communicate his sorrows. "Wish Anna my best, will you?"

Her smile became warm. "Of course." Neither of them really wanted to leave.

"As I said, an innocent man has a chance at life, damned or not." He knew it not the day to question, not the day to plead with her reasoning as to why she had not told him of this secret, but found it all the appropriate time to insist she was not alone, wouldn't have to be if she shared.

"And he always has someone with a willing hand to hold. He's never alone." He communicated this by squeezing her hand once, before she pulled it free, staring at him in half awe, half pain.

And time repeated itself, as he now walked away.

[OoOoOoO]

AN: So, yay or nay? I found it suitable! And I kept it not quite as intervening with Matthew's comments because his TRUE intervention about her secret is during the search for Isis.

Do give me some feedback if you want some more of these! I have many ideas cooked up.

Reviews are my life; don't kill me!


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